About
When I wrote “If I Was No More” I was in a really dark place, and it was a painful one to write. It’s not easy to talk about that headspace where everything got so heavy that part of me craved to no longer be there to bear it. It’s a scary thought, one that comes with a lot of guilt and shame. Out of all the songs on the album this one is the one that feels the hardest to share, even now, from the other side. But it’s also one of the best songs I have ever written and it’s an important one to share. With this one music does what it does best - express those things that words alone can’t carry.
Putting words to what I was feeling was a big step for me in my mental health journey, and “If I Was No More” helped me see myself and realize that I needed help. In the end, despite being a heavy song it really is a declaration that I want to live despite the weight upon me. The last verse turns it around with “I am once more”. I gave those thoughts space to realize that they are not what I want.
When I sent this one to my lovely Producer Dominic Romano he noted that despite the dark lyrics the guitar has a “this too shall pass” feeling to it, and I really like that description. We approached the song trying to give it that cathartic feeling where light and dark stand in contrast and make each other visible. One of my favourite additions to achieve this is the beautiful string arrangement by Harley Eblen, I cried when I first heard it. I remember recording the vocals for this one all alone in my cellar studio and feeling this mixture of emotions where the sadness of the words and the beauty of the music brought tears to my eyes. But they were no longer tears of shame, they were tears of gratitude that I am here to tell my story.
Lyrics
It could be so easy
If I could release me
No load on my shoulders
No need to get older
If I was no more
No pain and no laughter
No one to look after
And you wouldn’t worry
I wouldn’t be sorry
If I was no more
Shed my skin
Take the weight of my bones
Forgive my sin
And let me walk this path alone
No thought and no meaning
No soul and no feeling
No song or creation
No set destination
If I was no more
Shed my skin
Take the weight of my bones
Forgive my sin
And let me walk this path alone
Free me from myself
No one would have to know
No need to ask for help
If I was no more
Free me from myself
No one would have to know
No need to ask for help
If I was no more
Free me from myself
No one would have to know
No need to ask for help
If I was no more
If I was no more
Well it would be easy
If I could release me
That’s not how it works
What would it be worth?
So I am once more
What the press says:
“Sin dudas, es una artista que sabe conectar con lo más profundo de las emociones, en su voz y cada nota, despertará una emoción diferente, dependerá mucho de tu estado de ánimo al momento de escuchar la pista, lo que es seguro, podrás flotar por 04:05 minutos.”
Zone Nights
“Wer schon länger hier mitliest, dürfte die talentierte Kölner Musikerin Luna Keller bereits aus unseren letzten Posts kennen. Falls nicht, ist ihr neuer Titel ‘If I Was No More’ die Gelegenheit, die eigene Playlist um einen wirklich schönen und berührenden Indie Folk Song zu erweitern. Zum Vorschein kommt ein gefühlvoller und dezent melancholischer Akustikgitarrensound, untermalt von einem wunderbaren Cello und mit einer sehr ehrlichen und authentischen Stimme im Fokus.”
Berlin On Air
“ I am loving the tremor in her emotional, but asserting, vocal delivery that effortlessly enhances the heartwrenching honesty in her lyrics. I am really enjoying the melancholia in the song that is carried by the bittersweet arrangement that features haunting guitar by Ben Greenberg and a soul-stirring string arrangement by Harley Eblen.”
Caesar Live & Loud
“Chapter five of the project has been released today, entitled If I Was No More. Like the previous chapters, it’s an introspective and unflinchingly dark track exploring mental health struggles. Luna describes it as the album’s emotional low point, and it doesn’t hold back with its story of wanting to let life go. Yet, it is buoyed by the track’s light acoustic arrangement and Luna’s lilting and breath-taking vocals, and the track ends big with a powerful resolution.”
York Calling
“Yes, I cried too the first time I heard this song, a few weeks ago. Because it hits hard! But today, I'm more inclined to cry tears of joy, so thrilled that this gem is now available to everyone, because I know it will help lost souls.”
Indie Music Center
Discover the details!
Available as high quality WAV download and CD
If you are listening through a great audio system, then this is for you! My music is recorded and mastered to the highest level to please the ears of HiFi enthusiasts.
For a HiFi experience you will find an uncompressed version in CD quality on Bandcamp or a CD with Booklet in my online shop as part of my album 'Ocean Inside Of Me'.
Credits
Luna Keller - Vocals
Produced and Mixed by Dominic Romano
Mastered by Sam Moses
Ben Greenberg - Acoustic Guitar
Harley Eblen - Cello/Strings
Dominic Romano - Addtl. Acoustic Guitars, Percussion, Addtl. Vocals
Chauncey Arner - Addtl. Acoustic and Electric Guitars
Dominic Romano
Luna Keller
Sam Moses
Ben Greenberg